There is a lot of talk of how we need to let go. However, from reading the book Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and from working towards living in a now, on top of working on adjusting to share my 6 month old baby with my in-laws. I feel that the let go process doesn’t work. Eckhart Tolle & my close healer friend says to accept your feelings & to stay with them. When you do that you don’t let go instead you let it be. So my new focus is not to let go of any of my anxieties, worries or problems. If I do I’m forcing the current feeling to a state that I’m not ready for yet meaning that I’m not living in the now. Instead I’m going to let myself be & live in the feeling of what I am feeling otherwise I’m not being in the now & forcing myself out of my current state of mind.
So a few years ago I dreaded the smell of lavender. I couldn’t stand it. At that time I would add artificial perfumes and smells to not only myself but to my house, car & laundry. I would scent up anything I could scent up with any smell that would stink up the nostrils as much as it could.
Now I am the opposite! I love the smell of anything natural. And the best smell of all smells is the smell of some lavender! If I am spicing myself up a little I would add a little lavender to myself.
Isn’t it amazing how we can change & adapt once we grow up & become socially & environmentally responsible.
So as a yogini I am always in the works of freeing myself from anything materialistic, addictive & tempting. But I have to admit that it is much easier said than done. I got myself away from ciggarettes & alcohol but I am still in the struggles with another addiction of craves that I got…..yoga pants!
Who wouldn’t be able to resist a beautiful pair of yoga pants?!? Ah….hello! Here I am at home being all inflamed in my muscles & all I can do is to scroll myself through Instagram & breathe in the inspiration of every beautiful yogini/yogi that is going through my feed. And on top of it – they are all wearing gorgeous yoga pants! So I have had to get myself a few pairs too….cause they will eventually help me do that amazing @yoga_girl handstand!!!
So….here I am admitting to you that I am not free! I do have a terrible addiction, which makes my road much longer than just being able to do a handstand….the addiction of hoarding a wide variety of yoga pants because eventually I think those magic pairs will help me find that teeny tiny bit of bandha in making me sway still in a @yoga_girl handstand!
Yesterday I went on a walk with a good friend of mine that I haven’t seen for a while and she asked me how I was doing. My response was that I’m feeling really good! A feeling of contentment was going through my body when I said that I was feeling good. I didn’t have any feelings of complaint, worries or anxieties, which I always would have had before. I didn’t have anything to complain about.
It’s amazing how my life has transitioned itself from always being worried, anxious & stressed out to now living a content filled life. Of course not every day is a joy – if they where then you would not notice the joy!
Every time I remind myself to be in the now I get sentimental. Not a depressive sentimental instead it is a grateful sentimental. And often times my eyes tear up. I’m wondering if those prego hormones still are spooking themselves in my body….I refocus myself to the moment, to my breath & to the initial impression of now. And since I spend most of my days together with my baby boy . The moment is together with him. And looking at him, touching him, smelling him & hearing him makes me soo grateful of life, being a mother, wife & living in the most beautiful place on planet earth.
The moment of now for me has become a beautiful yet very sentimental place that I never ever want to leave!
Last week the Yoga Soul was all out. I didn’t do any yoga during the whole week….I got muscle inflammation throughout my whole body. And spent all week recovering by drinking ginger honey tea. I think it might have to do with my stomach pain I get at times. Some sort of food allergy but I cannot figure out what it is…..this time it flared up because I ate Fage….
My husband reminded me about me maybe getting sick from it….but I figured I would just test and see if my body could handle it…..but it didn’t. The next day the mid section of my tongue was yellow like ever before & my muscles ached all over. At first I thought it was muscle soreness from my yoga practice but the pain persisted & the yellow coating reminded me about my last stomach pain flare-up.
Now a week later I’m feeling much better & thanks to the natural remedy of ginger honey tea my tongue is all clear & I’m back on my mat yogaing away with my handstand practice!😊
At the moment I’m reading the book by Ekhart Tolle – Power of Now. While reading I have my growing sprout laying on my chest taking his nap. He has been sleeping on my chest since he was born. But now he has started to scoot himself off to the side so that he can fit right & still hear my heart.
I’m in the early beginning of the book & already feeling a little anxious as the pages goes. Having this beautiful baby on my chest & living in the now is amazing. But at times I’m in the epiphany of how the now quickly passes into a memory, which makes me want to stop time.
I’m soo fortunate to be a stay home mom. Off course I have times when it feels very challenging being a mom & spending most days around the baby with almost no social interaction other than my Instagram app – until papa comes home in the evening.
But having this precious baby on my chest, sleeping to the sound of my heart makes me want to freeze the now & not be reminded how it quickly turns into a past.
Eckhart Tolle is amazing but maybe I’m not ready for him yet….
The other day I posted a mini comment about how I like to cuddle my kneecaps while doing the seated sequences in Ashtanga. A secret that I thought I was lonely about – and at times I thought I might be a little strange doing it as I never heard or see anyone else doing it. At times I do know that I totally take my body for granted. And should be more grateful for it taking care if me as much as it does.
….Pringles, M&M craves, Coffee Bean runs does take a toll on it…. And I cannot imagine how much it had to work while I was smoking & drinking alcohol.
However, thinking I was lonely in this bodily gratefulness was wrong. There where other beautiful yogis who admitted they do the same thing in their practice, which made me really happy. I’m so thankful to have found this amazing community of yogis & friends through the simple app of Instagram! Without it I wonder if I would ever have found out that other people cuddle their kneecaps & thank their bodies like I do.
Sending you love & light on this beautiful Friday! Now I’m off to thank my temple & kneecaps again!
Today the book Power of Now got downloaded on my iPhone. I was actually inspired by the blog post written by Yoga Girl (@yoga_girl) who had the book as one of her favorite books. I have heard about Eckhart Tolle for a while but never got myself to read any of his books. But I guess today was the day the universe made me ready for him.
It’s going to be interesting to see if my mind & mental outlook will change after reading this book. Did you change your perspective of life & mind set after reading his books?
For this past week I have gone & yogad twice. It has been challenging to know what class to take as I am Ashtanga addicted. And not all classes are Ashtanga based here on the island (even if I wished they where).
Instead I have had to take a mixture of other classes, which has been good but frustrating at times. The frustration has been when the teacher focus a lot of attention on creating a joined flow but forget that you are using the same body part throughout the sequence without giving it a break. An example would be that you do a warrior one. Secondly you go in to a humble warrior & third you go into Utthita Parsvakonasana A into locking your arms & jumping yourself forward into a birds of paradise. Just the whole sequence puts soo much pressure on one leg. So once you are in birds of paradise you are exhausted & your leg is all blood & energy deprived. And within all these asanas you don’t energize yourself with a vinyasa….during this time – my mind will get irritated & I shoot stink eyes left & right to my new teacher. It frustrates me & I loose slight interest in wanting to come back to class.
But in between all the stink eye flows the teacher includes balancing poses of handstands, crows & tortoise poses, which makes the stink eye turn into a smiling one. And out I walk as a happy yogi camper.
Mama has got herself a schedule!! Since we don’t have family around to help watch our baby, I have had to watch our high need baby boy 24/7. I don’t mind it at all but I mentally have needed my own time. The only quick fix for my own time is to put me on a yoga mat for a rigid workout for 1 hour & 1/2. After you have let me sweat, push & dig all my mental, physical & spiritual emotions out – you will find a very happy & content Rita.
I call yoga my medicine & my husband will nod in agreement if you ever would ask him if it’s true.
So we have finally been able to get our little boy more connected with papa so that I can go & join my yoga class (x4 times a week!!).
And it is soo true with what they say – happy mama = happy baby!
In just an hour I get to go & do my Ashtanga practice. One minute I’m thinking it’s going to be soo rejuvenating to sweat myself through all the asanas. The next minute I’m thinking that maybe Im too sore from my Saturday practice….(it’s Tuesday). And the following minute I’m back on my yoga high.
Does your mind play tricks on you when you are waiting to go & do your practice? I wish I could just switch channel at times like we do on TV – where I would stop thinking about all the hundred excuses my mind will come up with before I finally put my shoes on & grab my mat.
I know that once I am in class I will feel so good & tell myself that I need to go & practice on a daily basis.
However, once I’m back home & take off those shoes my mind is back in “couch” mode. It’s a good thing I started blogging…just writing this made me have a yoga high for a few minutes.
Now I just got 40 minutes to go…let’s see how many highs & lows of excuses my mind will come up with before I can head out…
Yoga is amazing. I don’t know if you can feel the connectedness in any other sport or activity as you can with yoga. Yesterdays Ashtanga practice was a mess! I have had a rough few days with my little one & I hadn’t been on the mat for 5 days….and it felt like my messy energy & practice filled up the whole room.
Everything from downward dog to navasana to locust pose became uncoordinated, stiff & incooperable. My zen was gone in my headstand & my energy was depleted in just a few minutes from the start of my practice.
Maybe it’s not only from a rough few days with a fussy baby but also a wash of hormonal changes that have happened. My hair is falling out like never before, the food has lost its flavor & my skin has lost its luster….but I guess not every day can be a good day & on the bright side…tomorrow’s practice can only get better!
Do you sometimes hear words that stick out as a direct message aimed at you when you hear someone speak? That is what happened to me in my Bikram class today. The teacher Sara kept telling us to let go. And it felt like it was a direct message to my ego. I need to learn how to let go. I don’t even fully leg go while I lay down in savasana. If I make an effort to feel a little extra – I will notice that I am still tense in certain areas. Meaning that I didn’t let go.
I’m going to get back to my weekly self-improvements that I used to do a while back. And tomorrow, which is a new start of a new week will be my “Let Go” week. Meaning I will focus on letting go & surrender myself to not needing to have everything in my control. Accepting, being & feeling content with releasing all the control.
Will keep you updated on how it goes!
2 months & 17 days in from recovering & adjusting to mommy hood I get to visit the Bikram shala with my mat! What an experience! I had a feeling of gratitude through most of the practice. However, at times I really missed my little son since I never have been away from him before. I cannot imagine mama’s who have to work & leave their little blessings at home!! I am soo blessed to be able to stay home with my little spirit!
At first it was easy going through all the breathing & initial poses but after about 30 minutes I was ready to throw in the towel. My mind started feeling sorry for myself as I was still recovering from pregnancy I thought….at around 50 minutes of heat, sweat & yoga I finally started to really enjoy the practice. My feelings of gratitude & happiness came back! And the timing of waiting for more than 2 months felt perfect! I wouldn’t have enjoyed doing Bikram anytime sooner.
So for the past week & a half I have had terrible stomach ache mainly after I have had a meal. And researcher as I am I rather go and visit the google.com page than go to the doctor. So I have diagnosed myself to have everything from gallbladder disorder to peptic ulcers to bacteria to maybe even having stomach pains that are candida related……
Yesterday I finally got myself to the doctor. And today I am off to take some blood tests. After I came home yesterday it dawned on me that I might not be able to breastfeed if I have this bacteria, or how would I do with the milk if I have to do a surgery?!? All these worries, questions and anxiety started to build up….and my stomach started to hurt even more. Tears started to roll down while I was looking at my little baby boy drinking the magic milk. I love our bonding we have when I get to nurse my little miracle & I don’t want to have to start giving him the McDonalds formula as I call it.
While I am writing all of this, I realize that I need to take a step backwards. As a yogi wanting to live & preach to live in the moment – I shouldn’t let the anxiety get to me. Fear & anxiety preaches on bad energy for something that has not happened. Instead I need to take a deep breathe and live in today with my little baby boy as you never ever will know what tomorrow will bring.
The clock is ticking….tick tock tick tock….what should mama do?!? Just a week ago I was wondering if I ever would be able to get my “freedom” back of at least be able to find an hour of time for me to do my yoga & sun salutations. Now I am sitting here waiting for my little man to wake up. I guess I am not used to having him sleep for 3 hours all by himself. I love his presence & happy little spirit.
It is all about patience, both in yoga, motherhood and in life. I still haven’t been able to master the pincha pose 100%. I was able to do it in the park for just a few seconds last week, which I don’t really count….I am looking forward to the day when I can replace my headstands with a real pincha!
Ever since my last post & the decision I made with myself & also with my husband of not listening to anyone in regards to their input of how to raise my little baby, I have connected even more with my beautiful little boy! He never cries & only wakes up once I twice during night to be feed. He smiles & coo-coos. On top of it, he slept all by himself during the day yesterday & have started to be able to play & coo-coo on his own.
And due to my little baby now being able too coo-coo & sleep by himself during the day, mama gets some lone time, which means yoga time!!
Yesterday I managed both to stand still for a few seconds in a pincha & learn how to get into a lotus pose while doing a supported headstand! Soo exciting as mama got to coo-coo all on her own in her lotus pose!
My next mission is to manage to take myself to my long-waited Bikram class but I am slowly conquering one thing at a time.
Time is just flying by and my beautiful little son is now already 2 months. He has grown out his first pair of onesies. He shines up my morning with a beautiful smile. He doesn’t fuzz much at all. We wake up once a night for a nighty night snack and then go back to sleep.
The only “problem” is that he sleeps in our bed. For us it’s not a problem but it seems to be a problem for everybody else. Another “problem” is that he likes to be held a lot. I think he still haven’t got used to being outside of living the belly life at times, which I totally understand & I actually enjoy holding my little monkey child.
The only “problem” I have with the above “problem” is that everyone loves to give an advice of us having a problem in the future as we now are spoiling our 2 month old with giving in on the baby sleeping in our bed & being held throughout the day. But what I noticed is that my baby doesn’t cry, nor fuzz very much and is always said to look content.
And on top of it every one says that I am blessed with such a calm baby….But on the other hand I get the advice that it is ok to let him cry….because he needs to sleep in his own bed & not be held too much.
So why would I want to change something that makes my baby calm, happy & content to something that will create tension, tears & anxiety.
And why would I want to walk around and make a change for something that has not happened yet & worry about a future that hasn’t existed.
These are my 2 cents that I have built up during these past few weeks & I have now decided that I will never give advice or stick my nose in someone else’s baby. Each parent has their own comfort, care and technique in how they raise their child & baby.
Now I’m off to snuggle & hold my little monkey child.
During the weekend I got to take my mat to the outside of my house & do my Ashtanga practice while my husband was napping with the baby. It felt so good! Even though I was still at home I felt that I got my much needed space all by myself. The sun was shining & I did my best on focusing on my ujjayi breaths, which I always struggle with especially when I do my own practice. It is so much easier to breathe while in class. Isn’t it amazing how we take our breath for granted? And when we decide to focus on it – it then becomes a struggle.
Now off I go to continue to breathe, live & enjoy my day with my little baby!