So for the past week & a half I have had terrible stomach ache mainly after I have had a meal. And researcher as I am I rather go and visit the google.com page than go to the doctor. So I have diagnosed myself to have everything from gallbladder disorder to peptic ulcers to bacteria to maybe even having stomach pains that are candida related……
Yesterday I finally got myself to the doctor. And today I am off to take some blood tests. After I came home yesterday it dawned on me that I might not be able to breastfeed if I have this bacteria, or how would I do with the milk if I have to do a surgery?!? All these worries, questions and anxiety started to build up….and my stomach started to hurt even more. Tears started to roll down while I was looking at my little baby boy drinking the magic milk. I love our bonding we have when I get to nurse my little miracle & I don’t want to have to start giving him the McDonalds formula as I call it.
While I am writing all of this, I realize that I need to take a step backwards. As a yogi wanting to live & preach to live in the moment – I shouldn’t let the anxiety get to me. Fear & anxiety preaches on bad energy for something that has not happened. Instead I need to take a deep breathe and live in today with my little baby boy as you never ever will know what tomorrow will bring.
Doing the Pigeon Pose & don’t really know where my gaze should be in this pose:)
The clock is ticking….tick tock tick tock….what should mama do?!? Just a week ago I was wondering if I ever would be able to get my “freedom” back of at least be able to find an hour of time for me to do my yoga & sun salutations. Now I am sitting here waiting for my little man to wake up. I guess I am not used to having him sleep for 3 hours all by himself. I love his presence & happy little spirit.
It is all about patience, both in yoga, motherhood and in life. I still haven’t been able to master the pincha pose 100%. I was able to do it in the park for just a few seconds last week, which I don’t really count….I am looking forward to the day when I can replace my headstands with a real pincha!
Ever since my last post & the decision I made with myself & also with my husband of not listening to anyone in regards to their input of how to raise my little baby, I have connected even more with my beautiful little boy! He never cries & only wakes up once I twice during night to be feed. He smiles & coo-coos. On top of it, he slept all by himself during the day yesterday & have started to be able to play & coo-coo on his own.
And due to my little baby now being able too coo-coo & sleep by himself during the day, mama gets some lone time, which means yoga time!!
Yesterday I managed both to stand still for a few seconds in a pincha & learn how to get into a lotus pose while doing a supported headstand! Soo exciting as mama got to coo-coo all on her own in her lotus pose!
My next mission is to manage to take myself to my long-waited Bikram class but I am slowly conquering one thing at a time.
Time is just flying by and my beautiful little son is now already 2 months. He has grown out his first pair of onesies. He shines up my morning with a beautiful smile. He doesn’t fuzz much at all. We wake up once a night for a nighty night snack and then go back to sleep.
The only “problem” is that he sleeps in our bed. For us it’s not a problem but it seems to be a problem for everybody else. Another “problem” is that he likes to be held a lot. I think he still haven’t got used to being outside of living the belly life at times, which I totally understand & I actually enjoy holding my little monkey child.
The only “problem” I have with the above “problem” is that everyone loves to give an advice of us having a problem in the future as we now are spoiling our 2 month old with giving in on the baby sleeping in our bed & being held throughout the day. But what I noticed is that my baby doesn’t cry, nor fuzz very much and is always said to look content.
And on top of it every one says that I am blessed with such a calm baby….But on the other hand I get the advice that it is ok to let him cry….because he needs to sleep in his own bed & not be held too much.
So why would I want to change something that makes my baby calm, happy & content to something that will create tension, tears & anxiety.
And why would I want to walk around and make a change for something that has not happened yet & worry about a future that hasn’t existed.
These are my 2 cents that I have built up during these past few weeks & I have now decided that I will never give advice or stick my nose in someone else’s baby. Each parent has their own comfort, care and technique in how they raise their child & baby.
Now I’m off to snuggle & hold my little monkey child.
During the weekend I got to take my mat to the outside of my house & do my Ashtanga practice while my husband was napping with the baby. It felt so good! Even though I was still at home I felt that I got my much needed space all by myself. The sun was shining & I did my best on focusing on my ujjayi breaths, which I always struggle with especially when I do my own practice. It is so much easier to breathe while in class. Isn’t it amazing how we take our breath for granted? And when we decide to focus on it – it then becomes a struggle.
Now off I go to continue to breathe, live & enjoy my day with my little baby!
Finally got myself to do some Ashtanga yoga at home! Little Neo was able to sleep on papa this morning so I went up bright and early at 6:30am to actually walk ourselves to the Farmers Market but instead I ended up in my yoga-office and got to do my own “MySore” practice & 10 minutes of meditation. Now I feel very content!
After my practice I did some stretching & playing around with a variety of poses to see if I have improved my flexibility & it looks like I have! I tried to do the full pigeon pose that I couldn’t do last week & this time I was able to put my arms above my head!! Below is how it looked like last week – where I didn’t have any balance nor was I able to touch my leg with my hand above the head (will show an updated picture once the sun comes out of my improved pigeon pose!)
Improvements & improvements, which I totally love!
Now I am off to make some breakfast to my beautiful family – namaste.
Sharing a selfie of myself to feed my virtual ego a little bit. 8 weeks postpartum & I am now finally feeling like I am back to normal.
My first try to do the pigeon pose….no balance & cannot get my arms above my head.
I am still avoiding sugar! I have now gone 2 1/2 weeks without any sugar from candy, soda, cookies or any Starbucks/Coffee Bean cups. However, I still have cravings for sugar and I kept wondering why I am walking around craving sweets soo stronly. This craving of sugar has been worse than quitting smoking. So I went to my friend Google! And Google told me that it could be because I am breastfeeding, which totally makes sense. But I am still confused of why it has created a sugar craving in my system. At times I do allow myself an apple and I do eat Luna Bars – they are soo addicting as well (they do have 12 g of sugar – but I totally ignore the 12 g’s….- I still consider myself sugar free!)
During these past few days I have practiced some yoga as well. Even tough I still haven’t gotten to a full hour & a half of ashtanga at home I still have got to do the sun salutations on a daily basis. And it is amazing how the body has a “muscle” memory. The flexibility & muscles are quickly coming back. I still do have to work a lot on my arms tough. The chaturangas are a bit tough to go through even while just doing the sun salutations…my spaghetti arms are still yet too weak.
Today I dared myself to try the kapotasana (king pigeon pose). I have been afraid to try it thinking that I wouldn’t be able to bend myself this much but I did it! And it wasn’t as scary as I had envisioned myself it to be. Now I just need to fine tune it – like I feel that I need to do with all my poses – but I guess that is what happens when you rust yourself out of pregnancy.
Ok…I guess I have been a little lucky with my baby. He doesn’t cry much and is not generally fuzzy. But the past 3 days have been really challenging in the evenings where he has been overtired and not wanting to sleep. And we are now back to him being my right little hip. Won’t let me out of his sight so I had to go upside down for a bit to release myself from all the fuzziness.
I hope that tonight will be a better night since it cannot get worse right?